Stuck in Life

How many of you are living the life of your dreams? When you went to school or college, you had envisioned a certain life for yourself. Are you living that life right now? If you are like the majority of us, the answer probably is 'No'.

Why does this happen? Why are we not able to live our dream life and get stuck in the life we have? The answer is the same for all of us. 

• We have to pay bills
• Life has not given me what I wanted
• I have a family and responsibilities
• What if I fail then how will I support my family
• Something is better than nothing
• One day I will get out of this and really do what I want and live the life I want
• I am just waiting for that break
• Circumstances prevent me from being my best
• I am not that lucky
• etc. etc.

Sounds familiar?

You know, I would like to say that all this is utter crap and you should really go after your dreams and live the life you want. Just take the step and see miracles happen. Everything will work out. Do it NOW! 

HOWEVER, I have realised that this will probably make it worse for you, incase things don't work out fast. Reality if very different that what we hope for. We do not have control over the future. Though, through perseverance, focus and dedication, we can shape our futures, it takes time. There will be moments of failure and success. In the end, it will be worth it, but what about the time taken to make that journey?

Till then we have to be able to pay bills, to be able to support our family, to make ends meet, to live a normal life without worrying where the next buck will come from. We have to 'sacrifice' our dreams and what we can become, in order to support our family. This is why we end up being stuck in our life's, day in and day out. Even though we would like to get out and do what we really want, to become someone, to really shine, to be the best we can become. We have to settle for less and continue being stuck in our present life. We work for people who do not value us or recognise our abilities, we are often taken for granted by people close to us, at work people with lesser skills, knowledge and talents 'boss' over us even though they don't know what they are doing. This is life. We have to bear all this as we are stuck in life.

What do we do?

It would be foolhardy to just throw everything away and start doing what you want. If you are able to support yourself, with no income, for the next one year, go ahead and do that. However if you are like the majority of us, that will not be possible. It will be financial suicide.

Here's what you have to do.

1. Stay in your current job or business. This will help to pay bills and support your family
   
2. Write down what you want to achieve in life
   
3. Be very specific about what you want to do, what you want to achieve and where you want to go  in life
   
4. Make a detailed plan for living the life of your dreams
   
5. Give yourself a definite time frame both, for starting your dream life and achieving it.
   
6. If you have a 9-5 job, dedicate atleast 1-2 hours a day getting things rolling for your dream life
   
7. Be very aware of the starting deadline you have given yourself
8. Do all preparatory work, all research beforehand
9. Do 'test' marketing of your dream life. Live that life for an hour a day and see the results
10. Once you have a constant earning source, no matter how little, through that alternative dream life, then take it to the next level
11. Once you are earning atleast 75% of your current salary level, through the alternate dream life, then you can start planning to quit your current life
12. Finally, quit your current job and focus fully on your dream life

I personally feel this is the most practical way of getting 'unstuck' and living the life of your dreams. This is the practical approach. Most people know this, but what they lack is the determination and the dedication to build their dream life while at their current jobs. They just never get down to it. They think it will magically happen. Magic doesn't just happen, YOU make the magic happen.

Get unstuck, plan your dream life and make the magic happen!

Festive Binging

The festive season is here again and inevitable ends up in eating and drinking in excess. Your diet goes out of the window during these days and all the gains you made seem to go to waste. When you tuck into bed at night, you are haunted with guilt over that extra gulab jamun or rasgulla that you ate (These are Indian sweets).

How do you manage to stay on your diet or calorie target during the festivities? The easiest answer is "Don't eat the sweets!", but that is not the practical one. Here's what you must do.

Firstly, eat them in smaller quantities and lesser varieties. For example instead of eating two pieces, eat one. If you want to eat different types of sweets, choose to lessen the quantity. Instead of eating whole pieces, choose to just taste each. Settle to enjoy the one you like most.

Secondly, try to burn the extra calories in any way you can. For example, take the stairs during this period. Even though its difficult to find time to go to the gym, maybe you can go early in the morning. Do an extra 15 minutes of cardio to balance the extra sweet or fried food eaten. When visiting relatives, try parking a little distance away and walking the rest.

Even if you do end up eating more than what you planned for, don't worry. Its not the end of the world. You can always balance it off later by doing more cardio or adjusting your calorie intake for the next couple of weeks.

Enjoy the festivities.

Setting the Bar

Too often in life, we compare ourselves with other people. We tend to see ourselves, where we are in life and how we live our life, through a direct comparison with other people. While this is inevitable in this competitive age, I believe that ultimately it all depends on how high or low you set the bar for yourself. 

Like they say 'The race is long, but in the end, it is only with yourself'.

We need to set a certain standard for ourselves which you can call your 'Bar'. Once you set your bar on a certain level, simply do not accept yourself on a lower level than that. No matter what happens, you should always strive to carry yourself at that bar level.

The 'Bar' simply defines who you are and how you want to be presented to the world. Its' YOU' in every sense. It defines what you speak, how you carry yourself, what thoughts you think, how you dress, how you relate to the world etc. Its the minimum level you will accept yourself as. 

No matter how challenging the situation or how difficult the other person might be, you chooseto live up to the bar that you set for yourself. Nothing should make you lower the bar, that is, lower your standards. 

Set the bar high and live up to it. You will see miracles happening.

Third Rejection Principle

Do you know whats the secret to clinching a deal or to get what you want? Its what I call the 'Third Rejection Principle'. It simply means that human beings have a tendency to reject things three times before they finally say 'Yes'. This is the secret that all good sales people know. Just because someone says NO to you, doesn't mean it is imprinted in stone. The 'no' can easily change to a 'yes' if you are persistent enough.

Unfortunately, the majority of us give up before we even reach the three rejections. We simply get afraid that we will be rejected again, that we are wasting our time or lack the courage to ask again. However applying the Third Rejection Principle' will give wonderful results. This does not mean that you need to ask "Will you sign this contract?" thrice in succession! You will simply get "NO", "NO", "NO" in return and will end up infuriating the prospect. You need to be innovative in your approach each time or ask intelligent questions, which will eventually lead to a 'Yes'.

For example supposing you are interrogating a hot property, which has a bank mortgage and is going to be foreclosed, and would like to speak to the owner. This is how the dialogue might go about. 

You: Can I speak to Mr/Ms.xyz?

Owner:  Who are you? I don't speak to strangers (Rejection No.1)

You: Sir/Ma'am I have come to know that this property is mortgaged at the bank, which is going to foreclose soon. I would like to talk to you about that

Owner: You are mistaken. I pay installments on time. You have the wrong house (Rejection No.2)

You: Isn't this House no.xxx which is held by M/s ABC. Bank.?

Owner: My husband is not at home. I cannot talk right now (Rejection No.3)

You: Ma'am, this is very important matter.  I would really like to help you out. (show them papers on foreclosure). If you give me a moment I will explain these papers to you, and together we can help get you out of debt. Please give me a chance to help you.

Owner: (after looking at the papers for a while)..Please come in.

You see how it goes. If your cause and effort is genuine, after three rejections, people do say yes. However if they don't say yes even after the fourth attempt, I suggest you either rework what you are offering or you simply move on.

Think of rejections as Objection Doors. You have to open atleast 3 doors to get through to your goal. Keep the image of an 'Objection Door' in your mind. That way you will not give up, when you are just about to reach your goal. 

Stay with it. Apply the 'Third Rejection Principle' whenever you are faced with rejection.

Let your children fly

Young children are like putty. They will be molded to take the form of the environment they are presented with. What they see, hear, learn and experience in their toddler years has a profound impact on their future as adults. The environment you expose them to, whether emotional, physiological, physical, social, family etc., will all ultimately effect your child's view of the world.

As parents we should let our children fly from an early age. Even if we are limited in some way, whether physically, financially or in any other way, does not mean we have to expose our children to these same limitations. Let them truly soar and take flight. Do not limit them in any way. Try to expose them to as many different things as possible. 

Have any of you seen the movie "Life is Beautiful"? (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118799/) Its the story about a father, who in spite of being in a Nazi death camp, still manages to infuse laughter, fun and happiness in his son and protects him for the harsh reality surrounding them both.

Can there be more dire a situation? Yet, how many times do we scold, shout or even beat our children just because we are irritated or upset over something else? How many times do we take our anger and frustration out on our children, even if we do not mean to do so? How many times do we say NO to our children, when they want to play with us, just because we have had a stressful day or we are tired?

See the movie if you haven't and even if you have seen it, see it again. Show your children the wonderful world of ours. Show them to dream big and that nothing is impossible. Be a part of their world rather than letting them be a part of yours. The world is a very different place through the eyes of a child. Show and explore this wonderful world of ours with your child. Teach them that nothing is impossible.

Let them choose their own flight path and decide how high they can fly. 

Networking

What makes up Earth? I mean as a civilization on this planet, what makes us Earth? The answer if People. Yes its you, me and the people who inhabit this planet which makes our civilization. Apart from nature, everything which happens on this planet, happens because of people. 

In this modern day period, it is vital to be really connected with people. People run businesses, schools, countries, NGO's, airports, law and order etc. You name it, it is run by people. How well you do in life ultimately will be determined by how well you are networked. If you have a network of the right people, at the right places, infinite opportunities arise which you can capitalize upon.

One good contact at the right place is worth a hundred contacts at the wrong place. You should aim to get networked with the right people in your life. Who are the right people? Well, these are simply people who have the highest number of right contacts in their network! Simple! 

That way, even if you have only 25 well networked contacts, each of whom has a further 50 good contacts, then you have a GOOD network of atleast 1250 contacts. These are people who matter and can make things happen.

Just building a network of average people may help you, but it will be a trial and error method and will involve a lot of time. On the other hand, if you have the right network of people in your Rolodex, then you can utilise these contacts quickly and efficiently, if the need arises. They will be the one with good advice, good contacts and the ability to get work done quickly. 

Think about it, isn't there a difference knowing the Dean of your University and knowing the Sports Instructor of the same University? Which one will have more meaningful contacts and who will be able to help you the fastest in matters related to education, admissions or other universities? By no means the sports instructor should be neglected, he or she will be more important in matters of physical fitness to you. Include them also in your network but focus on building good networked contacts.

Ultimately its our network of contacts and our relations with them, which will help us get ahead in life fast.

Financial soundness

Whats the most important factor in life? I believe it has to be financial soundness, especially so if you are a man. I know many of you will disagree and would like to say that family is more important, happiness is the most important etc etc.

Yes they are. I agree to all of you but tell me, if you are not financially secure how will you, as a man, support you family? How will you be able to give happiness to your loved ones when you are not able to pay bills? Bills and payments don't wait. We need food to eat, a place to stay and clothes to wear. Happiness will not provide these. Neither will it provide you with your self worth. 

Haven't you noticed that no matter how stupid, arrogant or obnoxious a man is, if he is rich he is always respected by society? Does the same hold true with a really gem of a person but otherwise not financially well off man? No way! A person who cannot support himself and their family financially will never get the respect that he deserves. No matter if he has a heart of gold. Society will simply just look down upon him. To an extent I agree. After all its the duty of a man to provide for his family and himself. Its his duty to be able to give them financial security. Just like in the days of caveman, it was the duty of the man to find shelter, hunt for food and provide security for the household, same holds true even now.

Money is the lubricant required for smooth functioning of life. Without it, you will fail to be really happy in life. Without it, you will always be taken for a fraction of the person who you really are. Without it, you will never be able to take decisions and back them on your own, if they backfire.

So set your goals straight. If you are still struggling to make ends meet, still struggling to pay bills, your number one priority should be to raise your income level substantially. Raise your earnings in any way you can. Also ensure that you have a regular stream of income no matter what. Once you can reach a level where you can easily support yourself for a year, even if you do not earn a penny in that period, only then relax and start to focus on the other areas of your life.

Trust me, once you have yourself financially sound, you will truly be able to enjoy your children, family and will find inner happiness.

Without financial freedom, you will indeed never be valued for who you truly are.

Doubt

Doubt. Its the one constant in life.

People are always doubting who you are, what you can do or cannot do, whether you know what you are doing or not etc. Such is life. Even to your own family and loved ones, time and again you will always have to prove yourself in many ways. People do not understand that you can care as much as they do. That you are as much a human being as they are. That you have the same feelings that they possess. Doubt will always arise in peoples mind about you.

What can you do? These are the same people you care about and love. Still these moments will keep crossing your way. Especially if it related to money. Its really frustrating to see that people instantly judge you and make conclusions without any real basis. Noone is perfect and we can only learn and grow from our mistakes. I agree that if we keep repeating the mistakes again and again, then we are indeed a fool. However in this world I have often noted that no matter how much you do or care, people still will judge you only by the results of your last act. 

Life seldom goes the way you want. There are too many variables along the way. Unseen forces are always conspiring against you. However if you are true and honest, you will always find the helping hand of God along the way. We just have to be patient and true to oneself and the world around us. All you can do is be like a stream, flowing through countless obstacles, twisting and turning along the way to reach your destination. 

Just be true to yourself and the people you care about. The rest is upto them. 

Get connected with your siblings

Your childhood is a period in your life, which you will never forget. Whether it was good or bad, its an inseparable part of you. So are your siblings. In this day and age, we tend to ignore our brothers and sisters. It seems we interact more with our friends and neighbours than with our own family. 

Yet, these were the very people whom we grew up with, with whom we discovered and shared the world as we explored its beauty. Just close your eyes and step into the past. How many secrets have you shared with your sibling, when you were both children? Stories of your first crush, jointly hiding things from parents, midnight trysts to the kitchen, episodes of bullying and countless others. How many memories can you recall, which only you and your sibling knows?

Where have these times gone? Why have we grown distant from our siblings? I know we would all like to be in constant touch with them but somehow we are so busy in our own lives. We somehow even take them for granted. After all, where will they go? They will always remain your brother or sister isn't it? These thoughts keep us from really connecting with our sisters and brothers. Lets get connected again like we did in the past. Pick up the phone and get in touch with your siblings now!

They are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Conquer the Devil

In India, at this time of the year, we celebrate a festival known as Dussehra. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dussehra

On this day, it is believed that the Lord Rama killed the demon king Ravana and rid the world of his evil. The festival marks the conquest of good over evil and is concerned an auspicious day to begin new ventures in life.

Come to think of it, don't we all have our own devil or demon inside of us? Each and every one of us has a dark side within us. How well we control it or keep is hidden defines whether we are termed as a 'Good' or 'Bad' human being. Its our choice who we allow to dominate us which defines us.

I think its time we really take a look at ourselves and incase we do notice any devils within, choose to conquer over it rather than let them rule our lives. The devils may be things which you want to rid of like smoking or drinking habit, a revengeful nature or just pure laziness, which prohibit you from being the best you can be. Take control and defeat these devils now. Trust me you will be a better and happier person once you learn to conquer or control the dark side within you.

Ban on Public Smoking

India has joined the list of countries where smoking in public has been banned w.e.f. 2 October 2008. Finally! To view a list of countries where public smoking is banned, click  here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_smoking_bans

Tobacco smoke is very harmful for the human body. Though I feel its a personal choice, whether to smoke or not to smoke, we should all welcome this move by the Government of India. How we treat our own body, is our own business. However to harm another individual directly or indirectly through our choices is simply wrong. You might not care about the damages of smoking to your own body, but give a moments thought to the havoc it plays on other non smokers especially children. Indirectly they are all inhaling the tobacco smoke.

Research has shown that the younger the children, the more susceptible and harmful the effects of second hand smoke can be. Even babies in the womb are not spared. Do we need to do this? Children who are constantly exposes to second hand smoke have more respiratory problems than children who are not exposed to tobacco smoke.

Furthermore consider the environmental effects public smoking has. This smoke is directly released into the atmosphere. We need to heal the environment in whatever way we can, not contribute to its further destruction. With rising global warming, reduction of our forests, immense temperature and environmental changes occurring throughout the world, we all need to contribute to healing our Earth. 

So give a thought to our fellow human beings, to our children and to our planet and make an effort to stop smoking in public and eventually stop it completely. You will be a happier, more healthy person at the end of it all.

Die Daily

One of the best ways to live is by simply killing yourself daily, every night just before you sleep. Sounds weird right, to live I must die?!?!?!

Think about it, isn't that the best ways to live? By killing yourself daily, I do not mean you actually believe in afterlife and practically kill yourself! For heavens sake don't even think about that! All you have to do is make sure that at the end of the day, you leave the day behind and let it go. Do not carry the baggage of the past over to the next day. You 'die' by releasing yourself before you sleep so that, the next morning, it is as if you have just taken birth. Learn to let go of the day gone by, of your past. Leave all tensions, stress and worries experienced that day. End the day as if its your last night on Earth. Would you behave differently if you knew that tonight is the last night of your life? Would things would you do differently? What thoughts would you think? What words would you speak? Would your actions be different?

Why not do that daily? After all it is the END of a day isn't it. When each day ends, why not just end your life for that day and begin a new life every single morning. You do not have to experience the same thoughts, events, actions, feelings that you experienced before. Its going to be your choice as to how you want to live that new day. Each new sunrise brings with it a flood of opportunities, feelings and happiness. Its upto you to experience it. Begin each day as if its the first day of your life. Full of energy and freshness. The possibilities are limitless and bounded only by your thoughts.

Whats the point of carrying the past with us and letting it define our present and future? The past is past, you cannot change it or do anything about it. All you can do is learn from it. End the day by looking at the day gone by, learning from your mistakes and then just die! Just leave everything behind when you sleep. How you live tomorrow will be YOUR choice. You are not as helpless as you might think, you are not defined by circumstances or events. They do not govern your life. YOU DO. You have chosen to end your life and you have chosen to take birth as a new day arises. You are in total control. How does that sound? When you know you have the power to do what you want and know that things will work out the way YOU want it to be, then magical things happen.